Was I Ever Even Born?

For the record, I was born in the Township of Pequannock in Morris County, New Jersey on June 9, 1966.

Several years ago, I got a routine mailing from the Social Security Administration. It listed my date of birth as September 6, 1966. Obviously somewhere along the line someone had made a data entry error and changed 6/9/66 to 9/6/66/ It didn’t seem like that big a deal.

Time went by and I decided I ought to have the problem corrected. I went to the local Social Security office and explained the problem. I handed them by passport as proof of my DOB but was told that wasn’t a valid form of identification. I gave them my driver’s license. No dice on that either. What they needed was my birth certificate.

I left frustrated.

Eventually I got a copy of my birth certificate from my parents.

Yesterday we filed our taxes electronically but it was kicked back because my date of birth didn’t match the date of birth the SSA had on record. Blah. Today I went back with my driver’s license, my passport AND my birth certificate. I sat and waited for my number to be called.

I went to the window and explained the problem. Yes, they agreed, a simple mistake had been made. But . . . The copy of my birth certificate was not official. No problem, I was told, New Jersey is a state that can be verified electronically. I waited. And waited. Sorry, they said, we can’t find you in the New Jersey system.

I pointed out that I had clearly been born and that no one had asked for my birth certificate when they changed my date of birth. They agreed that it all seemed odd but that there was nothing that can be done without a record of my birth (or, interestingly, of my baptism – so much for the separation of church and state).

They are going to work with New Jersey to find out if I am alive. I am going to work with my parents to see if I am alive and/or if my soul is saved. I am hoping that some combination of these things is true.

Bizarre.

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Oxford English Dictionary Fail

More than 20 years ago, my father – a dedicated bibliophile – gave me The Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. If you’re not familiar with this dictionary, it’s the two volume version of the full Oxford English Dictionary. It’s published in microtype and ships with a magnifying glass.

I’ve used the dictionary happily for years. A few weeks ago though I ran into a problem. I was looking up the word “flimp” and couldn’t find it. Not only could I not find that word, I couldn’t find any of the words that should have been around it. In fact, I discovered that there were at least 40 pages missing (from page 1022 to page 1063) in volume one.

I contacted the publisher here in the US to make sure they were aware of the problem and to find out how they would correct it. What I was offered was a more recent edition at half price:

“As I understand it the version you have is more than 20 years old and out of print. I am sorry the error was not found and a new edition provided when we had them available. I was told I could offer you the 50% discount on a updated edition if you so choose. You wouldn’t ordinarily receive such a large discount from Oxford. I am sorry however, Customer Service is not authorized to replace such a high ticketed item that is now out of print. Please let me know if you decide to place an order, I will be happy to assist you.”

One thing that’s interesting about this response is the acknowledgement that they would have provided a replacement had the error been found at some undefined point in the past. Of course all of this could have been avoided had the publisher not distributed a faulty edition in the first place. It’s an interesting idea though: sell a defective product and then offer to sell the same product again at a discount. Am I the only one who finds this approach ridiculous?

When I said this was unacceptable here’s what I was told:

“We understand your frustration, and it should also be noted that the edition that you have was used as a promotion piece for Book of the Month Club and without any proof of purchase there is no way that we can verify that you or your father did actually buy the dictionary more than 20 years ago.
I’m sorry you find the offer unacceptable, but that’s the best we can do.”

I like that suggestion that perhaps I am lying – that my father did not necessarily purchase the books. Classy. I wrote back again saying the offer was unacceptable and that I’d be sharing my story. The response was terse:

“We absolutely stand behind the product. [Clearly they do not.] And you are free to publish that on any website you want. [Thanks for the clarification . . .]”

To me this is absurd. If a product is discovered to be faulty at a fundamental and avoidable level then the manufacturer (or publisher in this case) ought to take steps to repair or replace the product. Suggesting that the customer is lying and that they should repurchase the product (even at a discount) is insulting.

The Oxford English Dictionary is not an everyday product. It isn’t something that one replaces every few years. A dictionary that is missing words is not a very good dictionary and the OED has a reputation as the best there is for the English language. It’s unfortunate that in the past they distributed a defective product; it’s unfortunate that neither I (nor apparently anyone else) discovered this defect earlier; but at the end of the day providing a complete dictionary of the English language is their business and responsibility. As they assured me in our correspondence, they “absolutely stand behind the product.” Perhaps it would be helpful if they understood what those words mean.